Because of you
by azul-jisbon
Summary: Janes gone too far this time, and Lisbon's lost her job because of it. Now Lisbon's gone and Red John is closer than ever before. Are the team in too deep?
1. Thanks, not

**Hey so this is my first story, it's not really very good and i'm not sure how long it's gonna be but yeah. Hope you enjoy it anyway :) xx  
**

The rain was beating down hard outside the window as Lisbon pulled her car into the CBI parking lot. I thought this state was sposed to be sunny! She thought as she pulled the hood of her jacket up to protect her hair. Across the lot she saw Jane just locking his Citroen carefully-why he even bothered to do that she didn't know, somebody stealing that contraption would be more than just a blessing.

'Ah, Lisbon! Good morning my dear.' He called as he saw her entering HQ

Oh God, not now Jane she thought, hearing the tone of his voice. She knew that tone, she didn't like that tone.

'What is it Jane?' she mumbled not even bothering to turn around

'Well it's funny you should ask that Teresa, since I found out something very interesting with Rigsby on stake out last night,' Lisbon didn't respond 'Well, since you asked,' he continued grinning broadly 'I found out that Gregory Parkinson couldn't possibly have murdered Kayleigh.'

'Oh yeh and how _exactly_ do you know that?' she asked irritated, she could tell today was going to be awful

'Because my dear, the man is dead.' Jane replied simply

'What?' she screamed at him 'He's _dead_? You were supposed to be keeping an eye on him! For God's sake Jane can't you do _anything_ right? Hightower's gonna kill me for this!' Lisbon looked around wildly for some support but they were in the entrance hall and her loyal team were all upstairs

'Lisbon, calm down. It doesn't matter, to be perfectly honest I don't think anyone's going to miss him-he was a grouchy old sod to start with,' Jane laughed

'Yes but Jane it's my ass on the line, and in case you hadn't noticed Gregory Parkinson is, was, the DA's uncle! I could get fired for this, we all could. Gregory wasn't even a proper suspect, that's why you were supposed to look after him! Oh my God you just don't _think_ do you?' she yelled as other agents began to stop their business to watch the unfolding scene. Jane and Lisbon fought _a lot_-just like an old married couple everyone joked.

'What are you talking about?' Jane asked looking hurt 'It's not like _I _killed him. It wasn't my fault!'

'Perhaps, but you were playing one of your tricks on him weren't you? Weren't you?' Jane looked guiltily at his shoes 'Point proven then,' she said coldly and walked off.

Once in the safety of her office Lisbon sank wearily down behind the door. God, she hated fighting with him like that, but he just didn't think about anything. A light rap came on the door

'Lisbon? Lisbon I'm sorry, really I am. You know I wasn't trying to hurt you, honest.' He pleaded. Man it was hard to stay angry with him when he talked like that. But she couldn't forgive him, not till she knew what her punishment was.

Half an hour later another knock came on her office door. The words 'Get lost Jane' were just about to bubble off her lips when the voice she'd been dreading came

'Agent Lisbon? I think we need to have a talk. Please come to my office. Now' she added sternly. Damn. Lisbon thought. This was bad, really bad.

…

The team waited silently as 45 minutes ticked slowly by. God she'd been in there a long time. Please say Hightower wasn't being to harsh-after all it _was_ Jane's fault.

Finally they heard the door open and close again. Lisbon walked quietly over to VanPelt's desk. Tears in her eyes.

'Sorry guys.' She muttered 'Good luck Cho, you'll be great' she added biting her lip. Grace got up and hugged her wordlessly, then sat down to her work again, letting a few tears fall on to the keyboard of her desktop. Lisbon walked back to her office and picked up her bag, she didn't care about the other things-they were replaceable. She just needed to get out. Out of the CBI and far away from him. He didn't even seem to care what had happened, he'd just sat there on his stupid couch reading a magazine. He didn't care, and that hurt her more than she felt it should.

Well screw him. And screw the CBI. She could make it on her own-without any of them.

So without another thought she pulled her car out of the parking lot and started driving, no idea to where. Just driving.

…

Come on, come on, _come on_, he thought. Don't have gone yet, please don't have gone yet. Jane burst out into the parking lot lungs and legs burning-but the big black SUV was gone. Who knew to where. And now he had to face the painful truth that he might not see her again, ever.

**Hey so I hope you liked it. I know it's not very good but hopefully I'll improve :) Reviews appreciated **

**Thanks**

**Emily xx  
**


	2. Forgive me

**Hey, okay sorry this chapters a bit weird-and sorry about the spanish i don't think it's very accurate! anyway hope you enjoy it :)**

**Disclaimer: I own Nothing!  
**

1 month later

Jane was an idiot. He knew that. He had told himself at least twice daily since Lisbon had left. Why had he done that? Why had he just let her go like that? Sure he'd spent the last month looking everywhere he could think of for her-but it hadn't worked. She'd disappeared off the face off the earth apparently. She hadn't even been back to her apartment. All he could think of was the harm she could have come to. He'd never forgive himself if she'd been hurt.

He kicked a convenient trash bin near him and then carried on along the dirty street. A small pub came into view, a worn sign outside announcing at as being called 'El Zorro Rojo' hardly surprising as Spanish was quite commonly spoken in this small suburb. Unfortunately Jane had never had much desire to learn the language, not that the pub's name was really important, but still. Patrick Jane liked to know things.

The pub was dark, and not very clean but nevertheless Jane still walked in boldly and took a seat in a corner where he could observe safely. He sat there quietly for a few minutes until he decided he should probably order a drink. He got up and was heading slowly for the bar when someone bumped into him.

'Oi, watch where you're g..' he didn't finish. The woman had turned and he could see her face. Her beautiful, flawlessly pale face and her endless blue green eyes.

'L-Lisbon?' he asked, almost crying with relief. She was fine, she was alive, and now he could take her back to Sacramento with him. Back home. 'Lisbon where have you _been_? I've been looking for you for everywhere. It's been a month. One whole month Lisbon-why did you run away? Do you know how worried we've been? How worried I've been? I thought you were _dead_!' he grinned, hugging her tightly.

'Lo siento, señor me temo que no sé quién es usted. Creo que tal vez usted está buscando alguien diferente. Estoy muy Disculpe las molestias.' She said sadly and started to walk away from him. Jane caught her by the arm and looked deep into her eyes.

'Wh-What did you just say?' he asked, baffled. And she just looked at him apologetically.

'Er, excuse me señor,' an old man whispered to Jane 'But she says that she is sorry but that she is not knowing you and that she thinks you may be perhaps looking for somebody different than herself. She says that she is being sorry for any inconveniences she may have caused you.'

'Wh-what? Lisbon what the hell are you talking about. It's me! It's Jane! Patrick Jane! Y-you know me!' he looked into her eyes and saw tears welling there. What was going on?

'Por favor, señor, ¿podría dejarme volver a trabajar ahora? No sé quién es usted. Tal vez sólo deben partir de inmediato.' She said quietly and he watched as a tiny tear slipped down her cheek. He looked pleadingly at the old man for a translation

'She is saying please sir to let her get back to work now as she is not knowing who you are. She is also saying you should perhaps be leaving now,' then he walked away making any further translation impossible. Jane was thoroughly confused, which was odd for him and he didn't like it at all. He grabbed Lisbon's arm and pulled her into the small alcove near the toilets where no one else could see them. He put one hand on each of her arms and squeezed hard

'Teresa. Teresa. Teresa please look at me. Please forgive me. I never wanted this to happen. Please. You have to forgive me.' He looked imploringly into her eyes, tears spilling out of his own

'I-I-I can't,' she stuttered, breaking down into sobs

'Why? I know I hurt you but I'll do anything you want. I'll make Hightower give you your job back. I'll always behave. I-I'll do your paperwork for you. Buy you donuts and coffee. Anything!' he pleaded 'I'll do _anything_ Teresa. Just come back. Come back to me and the team. Please!' he begged. Lisbon bit down hard on her lip, so hard he saw blood well up and her white teeth. Tears were streaking down her face and her whole body was shaking as she pushed her fringe repeatedly out of her wet eyes.

'N-N-No,' she said slowly 'No. I can't. I _can't_ Jane. You don't understand.'

'Help me too!' he begged but she shook her head

'No, Jane. My decision is final. Please don't come looking for me again. Or send the team. I-I don't want to see you, any of you, ever again. Although especially you. Please leave me alone. I'm h-ha-happy here,' she said quietly. Jane stared at her in astonishment.

'Lisbon, I-I don't, h-how can you, aren't you, where are you..' he couldn't from a sentence. But then he thought of one he might be able to get out, one that might work. One he should have used a long time ago 'I love you, Lisbon,' he said sadly, staring into her eyes 'I love you and I want you to come back to Sacramento with me. Please,'

'NO!' she screamed and pulled a gun from inside her jacket 'Get out! Please Jane! Please. You don't understand - and you don't love me. I'm doing this for you. So, _please_ will you just _leave and never come back_!' and at that she ran crying up the small flight of stairs behind the bar leaving Jane standing there speechless. He couldn't believe what had just happened. He couldn't believe he'd come all of this way looking for her, just to lose her again. It hurt, it hurt more than he thought it should hurt. He wanted it to stop hurting, and he was pretty sure he knew how to do that.

**Sorry it's not brilliant but hope you enjoyed it anyway :) review appreciated :)**

**Emily xx  
**


	3. Goodbye

**Hey so this chapter's really short so I thought I might as well do it now. It's really weird but hey. Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!  
**

Lisbon flew up the stairs so fast she nearly fell and broke her neck. She had to see him, just one more time. She didn't want him to go. She ran into her room and peered out of the small grubby window just in time to see him turn the corner and disappear. For ever.

God she hoped that He hadn't seen. She'd tried so hard to get rid of him, why hadn't he left quicker? Why hadn't he just seen she couldn't go with him? What if He'd seen him? He'd kill him. He'd think she'd told him. He'd kill her-not that she really cared anymore, but she had to make sure that Jane was safe.

'Wow I'm an idiot' she thought. She couldn't believe that she'd never realised what was going on-now she thought about it, it was simple.

Obvious.

She'd always thought that Hightower was strange-the way she sucked up to Jane, how unfair she was to her when everyone else knew it was always Jane's fault. But now it made sense. She did anything He told her to. Hightower had seen how close she and Jane were whilst working at the CBI and she knew that Lisbon was probably the next good way to get to Jan. So she'd fired her. Because she'd known that that would make her reckless. And now she'd gone and got herself in this mess, with no idea how to get out. She just hoped that Jane wouldn't kill Red John in revenge; she couldn't imagine him locked up for the rest of his life-not that she thought that Red John's plan would work anyway.

A step on the stair knocked her out of her silent reverie and she sat up warily on her bed waiting for the inevitable. He'd seen Jane and now he'd come to kill her. God I just hope it's quick.

…

What the hell had happened in there? Jane thought angrily. He'd been looking for her for a month, a _month_. Why had she reacted like that? Pretending that she didn't even know him. Why had she done that, didn't she care? Maybe she didn't. Suddenly Jane came crashing down to earth-he pissed her off daily, had put her job in jeopardy and had finally been the reason she'd been fired. He'd known how much she liked him for a long time and only teased her never really shown that he cared for her too. She had every reason to hate him, in fact it was a miracle that she hadn't hated him from the word 'go'-but now she did.

'Oh what's the point' Jane thought he'd lost his wife and his little girl and now he'd lost the woman he loved. Life was cruel…but he could sort that out at least. It didn't take him much longer to reach his car and when he did he started to drive. He didn't really know where he was going, but he knew he was never going to get out of the car. Wherever he was going, it was the end.

After driving for a while he saw a lake. 'Well this is it then' he thought as he turned his car to face right into the lake.

'Goodbye then universe-not like you even care that I'm going. Sorry.'

**Told you it was weird! Hope you enjoyed it anyway. reviews appreciated :)**

**Emily xx  
**


	4. Dont wake me up

**Hey so here' the next chapter, hope you like it :)**

**Disclaimer: I own Nothing!  
**

'JANE!' JANE STOP!' the team ran blindly towards the small Citroen.

'JANE! JANE!' Rigsby reached the car first and started to bang furiously on the windows 'Jane what are you _doing?_' he shouted through the partially opened window 'Stop you idiot! What are you doing?'

'I'm leaving,' Jane stated simply

'What? _Why?_ What's going on? Did you find Lisbon-Jane talk to us, don't do this!'

'Why not?' Jane asked 'It's not like anyone cares anymore. It's not like any of you would miss me. I'd be doing you a favour.'

'Jane that's ridiculous!' Grace panted as she and Cho reached the car 'We all love you-you're a part of the family, _our _family. Don't do this'

'Your lying' Jane snapped realising slowly just how like a six year old he sounded

'No we're not Jane,' Cho said firmly 'You know we're not and all this is just you feeling overly sorry for yourself. Tomorrow you'll wake up safe and sound in your own bed and feel like a complete idiot for all of this. The only choice you have is whether or not you want to wake up as a normal idiot or as a wet and cold one.' Cho looked suggestively at the lake

Jane laughed.

He just couldn't help it. It didn't matter that he was feeling rotten, Cho's seriousness and quiet wit were just too much for him. And of course, he was right - not that Jane wanted to admit that

'Please turn the car round, Jane' Grace said quietly

'Please,' Rigsby added

'I..' Jane knew he was beaten 'I'll see you tomorrow' he mumbled and turned his Citroen around carefully, heading back to his apartment. It would have been a waste of such a nice car anyway, he thought.

…

'So, what your saying is that you found Lisbon, talked to her, told her you'd beg for her job back…and she said no?' Rigsby looked very confused

'Yes,' Jane said tiredly, he'd been through this a hundred times and the memory wasn't getting any less painful

'Is it just me, or does that sound incredibly odd?' Rigsby looked at his colleagues, his blue eyes wide open

'Well of course it's _odd_!' VanPelt snapped at him 'Lisbon's job means everything to her! There has to be a reason she said no. A really good reason,' she turned away and dabbed her eyes, Lisbon hadn't even been gone that long but she already missed her a lot. Lisbon held the team together and without her they were falling apart.

'Yes, there's got to be a reason. What we have to find out is what is the reason,' Cho said matter-of-factly 'Did you pick up on anything, Jane?'

'I, er, don't know. It was kinda hard to get a read on her. I wasn't, um, really concentrating very hard,' he coughed uncomfortably 'All I could think was that she was acting like someone who was being watched-but that's ridiculous,'

'Is it?' VanPelt asked

'C'mon, Grace. Nobody could get themselves into so much trouble that they were being watched in a _month_,' Rigsby grinned

'Actually, I wouldn't really put it past her. Lisbon seems to have a sort of talent for getting into trouble,' Jane smiled grimly 'The question is what kind of trouble is she in,'

'Well it wouldn't be drug related,' Rigsby said firmly 'Lisbon doesn't do drugs, never.'

'Maybe gambling?' Cho suggested 'If she needed the money,'

'Could be something to do with her family. I know she doesn't mention them much but I reckon she'd do pretty much anything for any of those brothers of hers if they needed her to.' VanPelt added

Somewhere outside HQ a clock chimed midnight

'Look, why don't we all go home and think about it. We can all pool ideas tomorrow morning,' Jane said 'Although you might be on to something with the family VanPelt-can you run an over night search on her brothers. See if they've been up to anything recently,'

'Sure thing,' Grace smiled

'Night everyone,' Jane said quietly

**Hope you all enjoyed it-i know its really short, reviews appreciated :)**

**xx  
**


	5. Kill me now

**Hey, so I thought I should probs get back to Lisbon now :) Thanks to everyone whos reviewed so far, its really appreciated :) **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, nada, rien, nichts, niente...get the idea :)  
**

Lisbon opened her eyes slowly. Was she dead?

Ouch.

That hurt.

Nope, she couldn't be dead then-everything hurt too much. What happened, she thought. Why didn't he kill me. She was confused. She sat up slowly, aware of searing pain all over her body. She noticed vaguely that she was soaking wet, but she couldn't work out why.

Then she saw what she was lying in.

Blood.

Lots of blood.

Her blood.

Oh God, she thought. Well maybe I'm not dead, but I bet I will be soon. She looked around stiffly to see where she was. It looked kinda like a desert. Great, she thought, Just Great. She tried to stand up slowly but only came crashing down to the ground again. Why can't _anything_ go right in my life. Can't even my own death go smoothly? She was crying now, there was nothing else to do. She was dying, nearly dead, and she was alone. Just like she always was. She'd thought that eventually she'd get used to it-but it never got any easier, there was always emptiness in her life. So she was going to be alone at her death too, she had to admit it seemed fitting.

A few minutes later she heard something that sounded like a car pull up not far away. Confused and dizzy from lack of blood she tried to sit up to see who it was.

No

No, no, no

Couldn't she die in peace, hadn't he tortured her enough? The plan hadn't worked so couldn't he just leave her alone?

'Ah, Teresa my dear. You look a little uncomfortable there-I'm afraid those stupid idiots delivered you to the wrong place,'

Delivered? What was she a parcel?

'So I've decided to take it on myself to deliver you to your final resting place. I've always said that if you want a job done properly then you have to do it yourself,' he laughed without humour. A cold, hard laugh that glistened in his dark eyes.

'Wh-wh…' she couldn't speak, it was too much of an effort

'Shh, there there,' he soothed her 'Now come along we have to go quickly or you'll be dead by the time we get there,' he smiled-properly this time, an evil yet childish grin. Then he picked her up and dumped her in the back of the big car

'Try not to bleed on the seats,' he joked 'The wife'll kill me,' another grin

For God's sake, she thought. I know he's a murderer and all but that guy has got serious problems.

They drove for about an hour, Lisbon thought. But she had no idea to where. When they stopped he came around and opened the door

'Now I'm afraid you're gonna need to walk the rest of the way, appearances and all. Now don't even think about going off course, I'll be watching.'

'I-I don't know..' speaking was an effort but she wasn't going to give up, not yet. Not her.

'Oh yes you do,' he smiled, spinning her around.

Shock washed over her. He'd brought her _home_. CBI. She was back. But she was confused.

'W-why did you..here. W-why..not..kill?' she breathed

He tapped his finger to his nose 'All in good time Teresa, my dear, all in good time.' He chuckled, an eerie sound. Then he put a hand on her back and pushed her firmly in the direction of HQ.

She stumbled and tripped her way over to the big building feeling incredibly light headed and dizzy.

When she finally reached the entrance a security guard reading a magazine asked her for her ID without even looking up. She dug into her pockets but couldn't find her badge anywhere. Crap, I must of lost it. Her head was beginning to feel very heavy and her vision was going all blurry

'P-please,' she asked putting a bloody hand on him for support. The guard looked at her hand then at her and took a step back, eyes wide

'Agent Lisbon?' he asked, shocked. She gave a slight nod

'J-Ja…' she couldn't say it, her head was swimming and there was a ringing in her ears. She leant against the wall for support.

'D'you want your, um, your team Ma'am,' the guard asked warily. She nodded again. The guard turned and ran for the elevator.

Lisbon put the side of her face against the cool stone wall, focusing on her breathing. Stay awake, you have to stay awake. You have to tell him what you know. You have to tell him not to..just stay awake.

**hey so hope you enjoyed it :) all reviews appreciated :)**

**xx  
**


	6. Stay Awake

**Hey, here's the next chapter :) hope you like it**

**Disclaimer: I own noooooothing!  
**

Jane woke up feeling better than he had for a long time, well, for a month at least. Today they were going to find out what was wrong with Lisbon. Then they were going to fix it, and then they were going to bring her back. Back to the CBI, back to him. Back where she was safe, where he could keep an eye on her.

He was the last of the team in, as usual, but they all greeted him with smiles. No doubt trying to make him feel better. He walked over to VanPelt's desk hopefully, maybe the overnight search had found something

'Well, Grace?' he asked

'Well the search has pulled up some dirt on her brothers,' she replied 'But it's mainly small and none of it's particularly recent. I'm sorry Jane but I don't think there's anything here we can work with.' She smiled sadly

'Well, um, never mind. Thanks for trying. There must be something else. Any ideas, people?'

'Well,' Rigsby said 'Er, Cho and I, we…well we…we were wondering if it might…if it could be, maybe,' he didn't finish. He knew Jane knew what he was talking about

'No,' Jane said firmly 'That can't be it. She was _alive_. I can't believe that's it…I mean, he wouldn't, she couldn't…I' he trailed off laughing uncomfortably 'I-It's just not possible,'

At that moment Joel, one of the newer security guards came running up to them, panting

'I…I…downstairs…she's..' he pointed feebly at the elevator

'Hey Joel that's what radios are for,' Rigsby joked, elbowing Cho in the ribs.

'No but…' he panted half turning back the direction he came. Rigsby stopped laughing. Jane walked over to Joel slowly and put a finger lightly on the mark on his sleeve.

'Er, Joel..what's this?' Jane asked a little shakily

'M-Miss Lisbon,' he wheezed pulling an inhaler out of his pocket

They didn't need to hear anymore

The whole team ran for the elevator, pushing everyone else out of the way.

It didn't move quick enough. The minute the doors opened they burst into the entrance hall looking around wildly.

Then he saw her.

She was sitting with her back against the wall just outside the building, eyes closed. Her clothes were ripped and she was covered in blood. So much blood. He'd never seen so much. It was literally all over her.

Jane ran.

'Lisbon! Lisbon!,' he shouted, once he reached her he knelt down beside her 'Lisbon! Lisbon? Can you hear me? Lisbon?'

'Shutup,' she mumbled, not opening her eyes. Jane laughed in relief. The team reached him looking worried

'I-Is she?' VanPelt asked breathlessly

'She's alive,' Jane whispered 'But only barely, call the paramedics,'

'Stothat,' Lisbon slurred barely audibly

'What?' Jane asked

'Whispring…you're….you're patrnsing me,' they all laughed, maybe she was nearly dead, but she was still Lisbon.

'So sorry, ma'am,' Jane apologised

'Shdbe,' Lisbon breathed

'I am,' Jane said quietly and he knew she understood he meant for more than whispering

'Stay with me, Lisbon. You're not going anywhere yet. Anywhere,' he said, as much for his reassurance as for hers and he put a comforting hand on her blood soaked shoulder.

She winced

'Er, that's probably not the best idea man,' Rigsby said eyeing the deep gashes on Lisbon's arms

'No, er, perhaps not,' Jane admitted, retracting his hand.

The paramedics arrived soon after that and the whole team attempted to pile into the ambulance with Lisbon

'Er, why don't you just follow us in your own car,' one of the paramedics suggested looking up and down all 6 foot 4 inches of Rigsby

'One of you can stay with her,' Jane jumped into the ambulance

'See you at the hospital,' he grinned and the others walked away to their cars mumbling to each other and giving Jane evil glares over their shoulders. Jane just smiled innocently.

'Closing up,' the paramedic warned, and Jane went and sat next to Lisbon

'Stay with me, Lisbon,' he said quietly 'Stay with me,'

**hope you liked it...i should probably write the next chapter now, i'm not 100% sure where i'm gonna take it next so i guess we'll just have to wait and see :) reviews appreciated :)**

**xx  
**


	7. Waiting

**Hey sorry this chapter's so short, it's really just like a mini chapter to tide you over till I get around to writing a proper one. Hope you like it anyway :)**

**Disclaimer: It's not mine, nothing, at all...I own noooothing  
**

Three hours. Three hours he and the team had been sitting waiting for news on their boss. They'd whisked her away to surgery the minute the entered the hospital. All of them had desperately asked passing doctors and nurses for help, for news, for anything. But they simply told them it was too early too tell anything yet.

Finally a haggard looking doctor emerged from a white door covered in all sorts of Health and Safety signs. The team jumped up as one body and descended on him.

'Well?'

'What's happening?'

'Is she going to be alright?'

'Well,' the doctor said calmly 'The problem is she's haemorrhaging at class three and at the higher end. She's lost nearly 2 litres of blood. We've already performed two transfusions but we can't be sure if that's going to be enough. The problem is when the bleeding has reached class three the patient's blood pressure drops and the heart rate increases-they go into shock. They also become dizzy, confused and unresponsive.'

'So what does that mean?' Jane asked impatiently 'Is she going to _live_?'

'Er, well you see,' the doctor said loosening his collar uncomfortably 'We have another complication,'

'What?' the team asked in unison

'Well, we also discovered rather severe intrarcranial haemorrhaging-most likely from being hit repeatedly by a heavy object,'

'What does that mean?' Rigsby asked looking confused

'It means that she's bleeding in her skull,' the doctor said looking seriously Jane

'But surely you can do something about that,' Cho snapped

'Yes, however it is a relatively risky procedure. We have to drill into her skull to drain the blood and relieve the pressure,'

'But that would mean she'd lose _more_ blood,' VanPelt said anxiously 'That can't be good,'

'That's one of the reasons it's so risky. I'm also not happy about the state of mind she's in right now. It's not how I'd like a patient to be just before major surgery, however we can't really afford to wait. That's why I came to see you. Who out of you is responsible for her?'

They all looked at each other, then all said in unison 'I am,'

The doctor looked at them impatiently 'One, or all of you, needs to make the decision for her. Miss Lisbon is not in the right state of mind to make such an important decision.'

'What decision?' Jane asked irritably

'We need permission to operate. It's a risky procedure which can be somewhat painful, she may not live through it- especially in her current condition. As she's not in a position to make the decision for herself, we need permission from you,'

The team looked at each other again. It wasn't a decision they wanted to make-they could say no and just let their friend die, or they could say yes and put her through more pain for only a slight chance of her living.

How could they make that decision?

'We don't have much time. I need an answer,' the doctor said firmly 'Now,'

**Hey, sorry, I know that's not the nicest place to leave it but I havn't had much time to write and anyhoo the point is to try and keep people interested isnt it? :) Hope you liked it anyway...and you know i like reviews :)**

**xx  
**


	8. Waking

**Hey, so i made this chapter much longer cos they've mainly been quite short up til now, again this is rather a strange chapter but hopefully you'll like it anyway :)**

**Disclaimer: i don't own anything, at all  
**

The room was bright and smelled like bleach. Lisbon couldn't really remember what had happened, it seemed like a distant memory-far back in the past.

There had been a significant amount of pain, she could remember that much. First there had been angry, murderous pain then there had been clean, medical pain. What had happened to her? And why couldn't she remember anything? It all seemed _so_ long ago. She heard a step in the doorway and turned her head.

Jane

He was standing there talking to a doctor, he looked devastated. All she wanted to do was go and give him a hug, he looked so upset. She couldn't imagine what had made him look like that. He shook the doctor's hand and then looked sadly over at her, she vaguely made out him saying 'Thank you for trying doctor,' and then he was gone. She lay there calmly trying to remember what was going on, vaguely aware of a throbbing in the back of her head. It seemed like hours later when she heard more movement at the door and saw her whole team assembled there. Odd, she thought. What could they all be doing here? They all walked cautiously over to her bed and pulled up chairs. VanPelt took one of her hands and held it gravely, tears pouring down her face.

'What's wrong, Grace?' Lisbon asked anxiously, but Grace seemed too upset to answer

'I can't believe this,' Rigsby was saying 'I just can't believe it. It's not _right_.' Lisbon turned her head to him in confusion

'It's the only thing to do,' Cho said seriously, and VanPelt started sobbing into Rigsby's shoulder

'B-b-but she was, she was s-so _alive_,' she murmured

'I know,' Cho replied 'But her quality of life is awful now. She's just been lying here for 3 months. There's no hope for her now-she's basically just a corpse with a beating heart,'

'SHUT UP CHO!' Jane shouted from the far corner of the room where he had been sitting silently up until now

'What? It's the truth,' Cho said sadly 'It's not like I'm saying it's a good thing, I don't _want _her to die!'

'Well she's not _going_ to die!' Jane fumed

'C'mon, Jane. I thought you and the doctor talked, you said he'd explained everything to you-that you'd accepted it,' Rigsby said quietly

'Well maybe I've changed my mind!' he snapped

'C'mon, man. I don't want this to happen any more than you do, but we all know it's gotta happen. There's nothing we can do now.'

'It's not like we didn't try,' Grace said looking up from Rigsby's shoulder 'We told them to do the operation, we gave her a chance. We couldn't do more than that,'

Jane looked away pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to calm himself. He knew that the others were all upset too, and he didn't want shout at them, but he just couldn't deal with it. Not this. Not her _dying_. There was a light tap on the door and the doctor walked in.

'Sorry to interrupt,' he started 'But we haven't been able to contact any family for Miss. Lisbon, do any of you know of any?'

'Brothers,' Jane said not looking away from Lisbon's still body 'She's got three brothers,' the doctor looked enquiringly at the other three

'The phone number for one of them's in her office. We have addresses for the other two, but there's no way to know if they're correct,' VanPelt told him helpfully

'Would it be too much to ask for you to get me the information?' he asked politely 'It's just that if she has family living then we can't turn off the machine until they agree,'

'Sure, I'll just go get it for you,' Grace smiled sadly

'I'll drive you,' Rigsby offered helpfully putting an arm around her

'Yeah and I should probably get back on the case before Hightower kills us all,' Cho said standing slowly 'Don't even _think_ about letting her go until we get back,' he warned and then left the room. The doctor looked at Jane apologetically and then left, shutting the door behind him.

The conversation swirled around Lisbon's head. What had they been saying-3 months? Things weren't becoming much clearer to her. Operations, lying in hospital beds, machines being switched off. If only she could put the pieces together.

Jane pulled a chair to the side of her bed and sat in it tiredly. He looked-drained. Lisbon reached out to comfort him but for some reason her arm didn't move. Strange. Never mind, she was probably over-tired. I'll go to sleep and then when I wake up everything will be normal again, she thought.

Lisbon didn't know how long she'd been sleeping when the sound of voices woke her up. She opened her eyes to see a small crowd of people in her room. Her team where there, so was a man in a white coat who she assumed was her doctor, and right at the back was her little brother Tommy. She couldn't believe he was actually here-she hadn't actually seen him for years. Maybe this really is serious, she thought.

'Are you all ready?' the doctor said gravely. Everyone gave tiny nods, except Jane who was staring determinedly at the wall. The doctor walked slowly over to Lisbon's bed and VanPelt buried her head in Rigsby's chest. Rigsby hid his eyes in VanPelt's hair and Cho was holding tightly on to her free hand. Tommy had his face in his hands and was peering through the cracks in his fingers.

'Say goodbye then,' the doctor said and started pressing buttons on the machines by Lisbon's head

Then suddenly everything made sense.

Operations, 3 months, machines. They were about to kill her, to switch off her life support, this time she was actually going to die.

'Stop!' she shouted 'Stop it! I'm here! I'm waking up!'

Nothing

They couldn't hear her

The doctor pulled a plug on one of the machines and something began to tingle at the back of her head.

'Stop! Stop it. Please stop it!' she screamed and began to writhe about trying to sit up. The tingling began to get worse, to become pain, burning pain.

'Please listen to me! Rigsby? Cho? VanPelt? Listen to me! Tommy? Jane?' her head began to throb. She tried to sit up desperately until the horrifying truth slowly began to dawn on her, she couldn't move, no matter what she did, and she was going to die.

'Stop it, stop it, stop it. Please!' she screamed and in one last desperate attempt she lurched forward and sat up violently.

Everyone stared at her

'Stop it!' she screamed as loud she could 'I'm awake, I'm awake, I'm bloody awake!'

**Hope you liked it, i tried to leave this one on kinda less of a cliffhanger, please review :)**

**Emz xx  
**


	9. Spinning

**Hey! Sorry it took soo long to update, this summer's been a bit crazy! Anyway I hope this makes up for it :) Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far...it means a lot! *hugs*  
**

**Disclaimer: nope  
**

'I'm awake, I'm awake, I'm bloody awake!' she screamed, banging the hard hospital bed with her fists

For a moment the room stood still and silent

Then everything started moving at once

'Boss? Boss!'

'Lisbon? Oh my God…Lisbon!'

'She's awake, she's really awake!'

'Tess? Tessie?' this voice belonged to her brother, who was pushing past everyone else in the room to get to her, 'Tessie!' he exclaimed seeing her properly for the first time, he swept down and clasped her in a bear hug that had her gasping for breath 'Aaw _man_, Tessie! God I thought I'd lost you there!' he grinned, still not letting go of her

'Hey...well, you know me,' she gasped 'I don't give up that easy,' he finally released her and she smiled at him

The doctor, who hadn't moved at all during the commotion, was staring at her with his mouth hanging open 'B-but…your brain activity…your heart rate…you weren't reacting…you _weren't_ waking up…we didn't…we couldn't…' he trailed off looking desperately around the room for help 'I-I'm, er, sorry,' he mumbled finally and left the room looking dazed. Tommy still had an arm paced firmly about Lisbon's shoulders and was smiling almost proudly at everyone else in the room.

'Are you really back?' VanPelt asked quietly and calmly, disbelief in her eyes

'I-I don't know,' Lisbon replied just as quietly 'I can't really, um, I can't really think straight…my head's kinda spinning…and it _hurts_,' she added looking terribly confused

'Well that's not really any wonder is it?' A calm voice came from the far corner. Jane. Lisbon was too tired to say anything else so she just cocked her head at him 'Well, they were unplugging you…you've been disconnected from all your painkillers,' he said nodding his head towards the machines behind her head. Everyone followed his line of sight to the tangle of unplugged tubes then Grace stood up and said 'I'll go get a nurse, kay?' and left quietly, followed closely by Rigsby. Lisbon watched him following her and smiled to herself…at least that was all sorted out even if nothing else was. Which brought something else to her mind in a painful recollection.

'Shit!' she spat 'Oh _shit_!'

'What? What is it?' Jane jumped to her side, dropping his cool demeanour in a flash…funny, Lisbon thought, I didn't think he really cared.

'Red John,' she said seriously, looking him straight in the eye, Jane understood immediately. Rigsby and Cho had brought it up just before Lisbon turned up at CBI all covered in blood. Once he'd seen her he thought that maybe they'd been right…but he'd tried to dismiss it as a stupid idea. Because if it was Red John, then Lisbon had been with him for a month before this had all happened. _One whole month_ in the company of that monster. Jane didn't want to think what he could have done to her in that time. So he'd pretended it had been something, some_one,_ else.

But now he couldn't deny it. Red John had gone after Lisbon. He _knew_. And that meant that he was even more powerful than Jane had ever imagined…Lisbon didn't even know it herself…but Red John knew-and he'd used his knowledge in the worst way possible. It just proved what Jane had thought for a long time…It was too dangerous for him to get close to anyone. He didn't want it to be true-but what could he do? Just look at what had happened to Lisbon. It wasn't fair though, he thought sulkily, Lisbon had gone through so much and all he wanted to do was hug her and tell her that she was safe now…but he had to push her away. He couldn't let this happen again, he knew that if it happened again she wouldn't wake up. And she wouldn't be allowed back. Her body would just be dumped somewhere and left to rot. He shivered at the thought and turned away as a tiny tear slipped down his cheek. She could never be anything more than his friend, or she'd die. It was as simple as that. Her life came first.

'Jane?' Lisbon asked looking at him worriedly, breaking into his reverie 'Jane?'

'Right, sorry,' he said 'I was just thinking' he looked at her and smiled grimly

'About Red John?' she asked soberly

'Yes'

'Well?' she said looking at him quizzically 'What were you thinking?'

'I was thinking that it's about time we kill that bastard,' he said firmly

**Hey so hoped you liked it :) I'm back to school this week so I'm not sure how long it will be before I update again..plus I'm working on my first Bones fanfic :) Anyhoo, reviews appreciated :)**

**Emz xxx  
**


	10. Limbo

**Hey, right I'm really not even expecting anyone to read this, it's been such a long time since I updated it. I'm really sorry to everyone who's been so loyal to this story, I appreciate everyone who's favorited/reviewed anything really. even just read it. I got majorly tied up with life and then I realised that I missed writing so I've already written 3 new chapters for this story, if people are still sticking with it i'll upload them, if not I might just start a new story. If anyone is actually still with me then thankyou so much, you have no idea what it means!**

**Disclaimer: NOT MINE  
**

Lisbon hated hospitals. She had never liked them as a child and after nearly four months in one now, she decided that if she never saw another hospital in her life, she would be quite happy. She hated their intrusive cleanliness, their obsessive organisation, and most of all she hated the noise. Whether human or machine, patient or staff, adult or child, the noise was unending, and in the near two weeks that she had been conscious the noise had almost begun to drive her mad. After all, with all that noise going on, it was so much harder to hear the noise she longed for. That one single voice. His voice. And as she sat in her hospital bed listening to him talk about complete nonsense to try and distract her from other things, she realise how much she relied on Patrick Jane.

'So can't you see how after all that, the chicken or the egg argument is quite redundant?' He wasn't really looking at her, he hardly had after that first day when she'd woken up. He'd come to visit her once every two days since she'd been awake, and every time he'd sit in that stupid chair by her bed and spout random chatter at her as if making small talk with a complete stranger. Of course, she'd never really expected him to care that much, after all Red John's plan hadn't worked, but somehow his clear indifference to her wellbeing still hurt her. Some days she imagined that he was really there because he cared, but in reality she knew that he was only there out of courtesy, maybe even pity, but nothing more than polite concern.

At least he's here though, she thought.

At least I get to see him.

…

She's beautiful, he thought. Even on her way back from limbo, she's really quite beautiful. Jane found it hard enough to talk to her about nothing, when there was so much that he longed to say to her, but hardly being able to look at her, that was awful. The looking thing had taken him a lot of perfecting. He'd practised it very carefully until he was an expert at sneaking glances before she noticed whilst carrying on his useless drivel.

He hated that he had to do this. In the two weeks that Lisbon had been awake, not once had he been able to show even a hint of his true emotion, and it was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. He also found it increasingly difficult not to talk to her about the Red John case. With the information she'd given him when she woke up, he'd managed to make some solid inroads into it. Now he was a whole new step closer to killing the son of a bitch who'd hurt Lisbon. _His_ Lisbon.

'Jane?' her lovely voice broke into his thoughts and he turned, instinctively, to look at her pale face

'Yes?' he asked, trying to make his voice neutral

'It's 5 o'clock, you have to go at 5 don't you?' her bright blue green eyes were filled with sadness as she said it. Oh Lisbon, he thought, why can't you just hide your emotion, even a little bit? Why do you have to make this harder?

'Oh, yeah, I suppose I better had. My tea's calling me,' she smiled slightly at that, a small sad smile that he found lovely all the same.

'Bye, Jane,' she forced a bigger smile and the effort he saw in it cut him like a knife.

For one fleeting moment he thought of staying, of wrapping his arms around her and keeping her there forever, safely hidden from the world.

He couldn't though.

He'd gotten close to her before and that had led them to this moment, his weakness had almost caused her death. Now he swore to himself he would never risk that happening again. He _couldn't_.

Because what if next time she didn't make it?

What if next time he'd enter a room to find that fateful smiley face on the wall?

What if next time he found her lying there, her toenails painted in her own blood? He shivered at the thought.

He couldn't risk it, he couldn't risk her.

So, even though it killed him to do it, he had to distance himself. He had to act like he didn't really care what happened to her , because as he'd told her once before-no matter what it took, he would always save her.

**So hope you like it anyway, if you are still sticking with me and this story then please review/message me to tell me if you want more. Thanks,**

**Emz xx**


	11. Home, nearly

**Hey, so I've written it so I thought I might as well update it, if you are reading, then thank you :)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it**

'Hey Lisbon, nice to see you back,'

'Welcome back! Glad to see you on your feet again,'

'Wow! Back already? How you feeling?'

There was a constant stream of welcomes and murmured sympathy as Lisbon walked through the halls of CBI HQ to her office. She really didn't care though. Touched as she was by their concern, all she really wanted was the comfort of her office and the company of her team, all of whom had been visiting her daily in hospital from the day she woke up. Despite this fact, they all greeted her excitedly with giant hugs as she walked into the old, familiar bullpen for the first time in so many months.

'I'm so pleased you're back!' Grace smiled, hugging her gently-aware of the lingering pain of her boss's brush with death.

Rigsby, grinning stupidly, was much less careful, clasping her in what would have looked to an outsider like a death grip.

'Place wasn't the same without you boss!' he said, and despite his grin there was an honest sincerity in his voice.

Cho's hug was brief, business like and slightly awkward, but there was a slightly choked note in his voice when he said 'Yeah, we really missed you,' and to her surprise Lisbon thought he looked almost as if he might cry. Almost, but not quite.

'You're the most important part of our family,' Grace told her seriously 'we just can't work as well without you,' Lisbon smiled at the agent, she had always been so unswervingly loyal.

'So then,' Lisbon began to ask 'What are we up to at the moment? We gotta case? And where the hell's Jane?' she tried to keep the last question casual but a mixture of excitement and anxiety was brewing inside her. She really, really needed to see him.

'Boss, did you not hear?'

'Hear what?' she asked turning to Rigsby nervously

'Jane's gone rogue,' Cho told her 'Left the day after you woke up. We've not seen him since then either, he just left a note saying that he was going after Red John,' the beginnings of emotion Cho had been displaying were gone again, he was all business.

'Wait, what?' Lisbon asked, her head beginning to spin 'How can he have gone? He's been visiting me. He was there just two days ago!'

Lisbon's head was really beginning to hurt. How could he be gone? Where had he gone? And if he really was gone, why had he still been visiting her in the hospital?'

'Boss? Boss! Lisbon?' Grace was staring at her intently 'Maybe you should go home, Boss. You don't look so great,' Lisbon rubbed the back of her head, right where they'd drilled into it. It was throbbing, painful.

'I think you're right, Van Pelt. Sorry guys but I think I need to go home, my head is killing me,'

The team all murmured their understanding and sympathy and then turned back to their current case. Lisbon took the back stairs to the parking lot, leaving through the fire escape to avoid any possible interrogation. Once there she started her big SUV and began to pull out, there was only one place she wanted to go right now.

…

'C'mon Jane!' Lisbon murmured as she rapped on his door

'Jane?' she called 'C'mon Jane. Jane you in there?' she knocked on the door again and suddenly it swung open. Surprised, Lisbon almost fell into the dark room, and almost straight away a small whit envelope caught her eye. She bent to pick it up and was shocked to see her name on the front, written in Jane's loopy handwriting. Shakily, she opened it

_Dear Lisbon_, it began

_Please forgive me for what I'm doing, but I'm convinced it's the right thing to do. Whilst you've been recovering, I've been tracking Red John, and I've finally found him. You may or may not find this, for your sake I hope you don't. If you are reading it then there's something I want you to do for me: turn around and walk away. It's time for him to die, Lisbon, even if I have to go to prison. Even if I have to die too. I have to kill him, and you really can't stop me. Please just stay out of it. I don't need your help._

By the time she's reached the end of the note, Lisbon was shaking. What if he did go and kill him now? What if Red John got Jane first? She wasn't even there to protect him-and the pain in her head was getting so bad. She began to feel dizzy and stars burst out into her vision. She felt herself falling just as she heard the voice. His voice. She really liked it when he said her name, it was when she knew he was paying attention to her. The only time she ever really knew. As she vision blurred she thought just how lovely his voice was, and there was a note of concern I it that she didn't expect, especially considering the brusque formal nature of his note.

But then she couldn't hear his gorgeous caramel voice anymore. Because everything was fading into black.

…

'Lisbon?' He'd really really hoped that this time she might stay away. That for once she'd think about the danger she could be in. The danger she was in. He was angry with her for the risk she'd taken, where it could lead, but even so her deep unchangeable loyalty touched him. Then he saw her knees begin to give, and she began to shake and sway violently. In a sudden panic, not even thinking about the consequences, he slammed his car door shut behind him and ran to her.

'Lisbon!' he shouted as he ran 'Lisbon! Lisbon! Lisbon!'

He got to her just in time, catching her limp body just before her already battered head slammed against the cold hard stone of the floor. He sunk to his knees, supporting her petite frame with one arm, whilst pushing the door shut with the other.

'Lisbon?' he asked softly, shaking her as gently as he could 'Lisbon? Are you okay?'

He rocked her ever so gently back and forth until, after what seemed like forever to him, her thick lashed eyelids fluttered open so that her deep blue green eyes were looking directly into his.

With a sigh of relief, he lifted her closer to him and placed a very light kiss on her forehead

'Ja…Jane?' she asked, blinking dazedly 'Wha-' her eyes flicked nervously around the room

'-What happened?'

'I don't know,' he replied quietly 'I don't know. Whatever it was though, you need to go back to the hospital. I think there may still be lasting damage,'

'Hate hospitals,' she grumbled and he laughed a short strained laugh, full of relief.

He looked down at the pale face, framed by her gorgeously thick dark hair, and all the emotion he'd been working so hard to bury over the previous weeks just bubbled to the surface.

I need to tell her, he thought, although the rational part of him screamed that he shouldn't, that he had to protect her. But he had to protect her emotionally as well he told himself, he couldn't return another of her deep, affectionate gazes with coldly polite glances.

Carefully, he helped her up so that she was leaning against him, and then he held her close, just the way he'd wanted to in the hospital. He pressed his cheek against her hair and sighed sadly. He kissed her hair again briefly then held her tighter to him. Right, that's it, he thought. That's as far as this can go now, I have to stop. But even as he thought it, he longed for more, to tell Lisbon what she meant to him, to tell her that everything was going to be alright. That he would look after her. And then, quite without meaning to, Patrick Jane whispered quietly 'Lisbon, I love you. Please don't do anything stupid like this again, please just don't leave me. I need you Lisbon, I can' do anything without you. I love you and I hate seeing you in this much pain,'

A few seconds passed and then there was a creak on the stairs and a tall figure emerged from the shadows at the bottom

'Well, isn't that interesting? Thank you awfully Patrick, you've just made things a lot easier for me. Now if you'll please move out of the way, Teresa and I need to have a little...chat,'

**Hope you liked it, reviews appreciated :)**

**Emz xx  
**


	12. Isolated, together

**Hey hey, next chap, this is the last one i have written at the moment so i guess im gonna have to get writing, will be next weekend at the earliest but I'm gonna try super hard to get it done by then, just because I love everyone reading this, special thank you to the newbies reading this who've added me on alerts, you're the reason I know to keep going. Thank you :)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

When Jane woke up the first thing that struck him was the silence. It put a sick, sinking feeling in his stomach, but he couldn't work out why. Slowly he sat up and pulled his fingers through his golden curls.

Then he froze.

He realised what it was about the silence, why it unnerved him so terribly. Because the silence meant the screaming had stopped. That couldn't be good, that really couldn't be good. Panicked, he scrambled to his feet and, without thinking he ran towards his bedroom.

He'd hardly begun to open the door when He pulled it open himself.

Red John, standing there with an inhuman grin on his blood smeared face.

'What are you doing, Jane?' he asked in a eerily friendly voice 'Did you want to see Teresa?' he asked, clasping Jane casually by the throat as if it were simply his hand

Mutely, Jane nodded.

'Well, I suppose it won't hurt…me at least,' he laughed without humour then threw Jane through the door into the room beyond. Jane sat up again, rubbing his head, then rushed as fast as he could to where Lisbon lay perfectly still on the bed

'Lisbon?' he asked 'Lisbon?'

Red John entered the room and shut the door menacingly behind himself. 'Ooh, what an excellent idea!' he clapped excitedly 'Let's wake her up! Turn the tables around if you know what I mean,' and with that he slapped Lisbon so hard across the face that her cheek began to bleed as she sat up dazedly.

'Welcome back, Teresa dear,' he said to her coldly 'That was such a lovely chat, I do rather enjoy your company,' Lisbon looked at him angrily, then turned and met Jane's worried gaze. Please just keep her alive, he silently begged of no one in particular. Whatever happens to me, just let him keep her alive, let him send her home.

Red John had pulled a long, evil looking knife out of his jacket and was sharpening it carefully with what Jane recognised as one of his own kitchen utensils

'I really must thank you Jane,' he was saying 'After you didn't come to save Teresa here the first time around, I really thought you didn't care. It seems that you had her pretty sold on it as well. D'you know I was about to give up on using her until yesterday and your little declaration. I have to say that came as a bit of a shock to both of us after the way you've been acting. Nevertheless…' he trailed off, looking at his knife, then swivelled it around in his fingers and pointed it at Jane. Slowly, yet devilishly surely, Red John advanced on him, until finally he had him backed into the corner and was holding the knife tightly at his throat. Then, as if a sudden thought occurred to him, he lowered the knife and turned his gaze to Lisbon 'Oh now that could be fun' he mused softly, and walked over to where Lisbon was sitting on the bloodstained bed

'No!' Jane shouted 'Leave her alone now, this is our fight,'

'And she got in the middle,' John replied almost sadly, and then as if to a child, he carefully offered the knife to Lisbon 'You do it,' he said, no room for argument in his tone

'No way in…' Lisbon trailed off, a horrified look on her face. Red John pulled a gun out from his jacket and held it against Jane's temple 'Either you do it, or I shoot him,'

Beaten, Lisbon slowly raised the knife to her arms 'Lisbon don't!' Jane shouted, but Lisbon simply shook her head at him and placed the edge of the knife against her wrists. Red John looked quickly between the two of them 'Stop!' he shouted, Lisbon stopped in the action of bringing the knife across her smooth white skin, leaving only the merest scratch 'This is far too easy on you. Come here,' he gestured for Lisbon to come to him an Jane in the corner, then, keeping the gun pressed against Jane's head, he said 'Now Teresa my dear, remember that lovely trick I taught you last time, I believe you'll find the scar on your chest,' Lisbon pulled the collar of her shirt slightly to one side, and sure enough above her heart she saw the initials P.J carved into her skin and shivered at the memory of them when they were fresh

'Now dear, his mark is on you, but he might need reminding that you are the only real lady in his life. Your surname should be plenty for now,' he smirked

Jane stared into Lisbon's blue green eyes, they were filling with tears and the hand in which she was holding the knife was shaking. He looked right at her and nodded

'Do it, Lisbon, I'm sorry but you have to,'

Lisbon looked from the knife in her hands to Red John, to Jane, to the gun pressed to the side of his head. She knew that, unlike her, Jane would never make it to a hospital, Red John wouldn't allow that. Either way Patrick Jane was about to die, all she could do was decide which way she wanted to kill the man she loved.

**Hope you like it, will get next chap done asap. Please review so I know what y'all think :) **

**Emz xx**


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